I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize