You're my little dorito
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
