too bad you live with your parents still
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I woke up under a house in Key West
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
