Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
