and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
