He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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