No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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