I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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