I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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