Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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