He asked to "fluff my boner.."
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Randomize
