He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
