It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
FUCK WHALES
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
