i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
