im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Boobs speak an international language.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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