I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
