the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
