if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize
