got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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