Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
