She is in my trunk
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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