I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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