I am midnight drunk by noon
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
