that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
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It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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