So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
