if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
