I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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