hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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