if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
