I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize