Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
