try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
