My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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