I CAN MOONWALK!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
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Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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