Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think my moral compass just broke
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
