I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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