is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
