Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
