How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
