Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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