God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
