Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
