Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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