It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Pants are for mortals
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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