Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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