How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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