I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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