she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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