I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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