as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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