He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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