1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
