Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
