You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
