I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Alive.
So much puke
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
