Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize