Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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