I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
