I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
