I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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