And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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