Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
