I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
