dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
