planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
