you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
