I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
