I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
