Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize