And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
